In my recent trip to San Diego to visit my sister, I was telling one of her good friends, Ann Marie, about my latest guy. I was agonizing whether I should let it go, or try to make something work. I knew (from the minute I met him) that he was not a long-term guy for me, but I thought he would be a fun guy to get to know.
Plus, he was a Reformed Bad Boy.
And I love Reformed Bad Boys.
I’ve loved reformed bad boys as far as I can remember. (They have to be Reformed, not currently a Bad Boy – like my first boyfriend when I was 15. He brought a bullet to school when we were 8 – and was expelled. But, hello, by age 15 he totally changed! He was REFORMED, people. Except for the fact that 5 years later he was put in jail for messing up some guy’s face…)
Anyhoo. I was telling Ann Marie about him, (the new guy, not my 15-year-old beau) about how he is Reformed Bad Boy, and I knew he wasn’t good for me. She told me why she though women were attracted to Bad Boys (currently or Reformed).
1. Bad Boys have an edge
There’s just something about them. The way they carry themselves, the way they sit, the way the talk. Bad Boys have it. However, I have found, this ‘edge’ that Bad Boys have is actually a false cloak that the where to mask their insecurities. They put out this energy of severe masculinity (thus, the cool swagger) but really it’s false.
2. Bad Boys have stories
They’ve seen it, they’ve done it, and they just have had so many crazy experiences. Some of the tales I’ve heard from men shock the hell out of me. At first when I heard these stories they were so intriguing, so captivating. I was so thankful that these men felt “safe enough” to tell me these well, let’s say “abnormal” experiences (at least compare to my life…) But then, it became clear that my Reformed Bad Boys were actually proud of some of these stories. Or, I find myself hearing the same story as the last guy. When my latest Reformed Bad Boy told me his harrowing stories I literally cupped my face in my hands. I sat there in disbelief. Not only because of the story he was telling me (it was whopper) but also because I found myself liking a guy that was just like every guy I’ve liked before…
3. Bad Boys have a wild side
They ride motorcycles. They drive fast. They drive their motorcycles fast. They like adventure. This is all so much fun, exhilarating and all until you are in the car with them driving fast and you ask them to pleaseslowdown and they don’t. They don’t seem to have any regard for the fact that you are very uncomfortable. You go out with them again (well, because you like them, duh) and by this time you say much firmer, SLOW DOWN. They don’t. And for some reason, you keep getting in the car with them driving. For 2 years.
Not that I have any experience with that…
4. Bad Boys are spontaneous
Oh, how they’re spontaneous. And it’s so great! They think of so many fun, different things to do. (And you never know what they’re going to do!!) Like hike a hill on a Wednesday evening just to share a bottle of wine and look at the stars. That is until, life gets complicated and spontaneity is anything but practical. Sure, it would be fun to drive all night to the beach so we could watch the sun rise. But, it’s 9pm and I have to be at work at 8am tomorrow. And, I’d like to go to the gym before that. Bad Boys don’t like that. They tend not to like the “grind” of life.
5. Bad Boys have mystery
The mystery. The stories are evidence there is so much about their life you may not know. It’s thrilling really. Until of course, the mystery fades and you seen all of their skeletons and it’s not sexy or interesting.
6. Bad Boys know what they’re doing
They know how to talk to women. They know how to touch your back in a subtle way. They just know what women like to be told, and be treated. News flash: this is NOT because they think you are special. They do this to all the women they date. Not just you. Sorry.
7. Bad Boys are totally devoted to you… Until they’re not
Ann Marie said this to me and I realized she couldn’t be more right. If you think about most Bad Boys they are just head-over-heals into you. They say really kind compliments to you. They notice things about you – they are attuned to many details about you (as opposed to that kinda dorky guy who can’t stop playing with his phone because he loves his new app – and doesn’t realize you don’t care about his new app and you would like some attention, please). Bad Boys get it. As stated in #6, they know what they’re doing. But here’s the kicker – Bad Boys will give you all their attention and then drop it. Usually they drop it because something better has come along (not necessarily another woman, it can be anything more exciting or appealing) or because they have a short attention span and always need something fun and new to have around and well, you’re just not that anymore. I have yet to met a Bad Boy who has remained totally, kindly, lovingly devoted to a woman for more than a couple of years.
Well, needless to say, I am no longer seeing that Reformed Bad Boy. And, I hope to never see one romantically again…
(And if I do, I give all of you permission to scream, “What the hell are you thinking?!?!?!”)