Things I like this week (vol. 8 )

So many things I like this week, I don’t know where to start.

1. Girl’s night. I haven’t had a real true “girl’s night” for as long as I can remember. Usually the “girl’s nights” I’ve had in the past revolving around bars, and trying to meet men. Or, my friends ducking out early to meet up with their man. Anyway you sliced it, it always about guys. My sister, my roommate and I had a fabulous girl’s night on Friday night. We even had our own private hotel room and room service. There was no make up or heels, instead there was pajamas, wine and champagne. Of course, men were discussed but not our focus nor the purpose of us getting together. I hadn’t laughed that hard in a long, long time. It was really fun.

The girls (my sister, me, my roomie Ann Marie)

We kinda sorta went on a mission. Don't worry about it.

Giddy from a successful "mission"

At brunch Saturday "morning". What? You don't eat brunch at 1pm?

Yep. That's a December afternoon and we're eating oustide, in the warm sun. I LOVE SAN DIEGO. (Sarah is wearing a scarf b/c of a breeze).

2. Oliver. After quite a night Friday, I decided to stay in Saturday night and take care of this little guy:

My roommate's son

Oliver was the BEST date I’ve had in weeks. It was the perfect night.

3. I can’t remember where I found this post, but it’s super great about doing more by doing less.

4. Remember how I raved about Angela from Oh She Glows?  Specifically her Butternut Squash Burritos? Well, I made the burritos for two manly, MEAT EATING men this weekend and they loved them. Success! Next, I’m making her Naughty and Nice Vegan Enchilada Casserole – but I probably won’t make it vegan, just vegetarian.

5. I am going home for a week for Christmas!! Remember how I told you I was flying home 4 times from November to December? Well, it’s a long story but instead of flying home and being home for just over 3 days, I’ll be driving home and be home for just over 9 days!! I feel like singing Christmas Carols. That’s probably why Kelcey’s post about Christmas brought a tear to my eye, even the T-Mobile ad she has at the bottom of her post. Normally I would think the T-Mobile ad was super cheesy, but in my festive mood I just loved it.

Happy Holidays, guys.

Advertisement

A few thoughts

The other night on my flight home from celebrating Buddy‘s first birthday, I thought about a few things:

• Above all, my family is the core of me. Hands down, they have been and will always be the most important people in my life. I can’t quite articulate my feelings for them, but I will sum it up to this: I love my family more than anything else in the world. They are my comforters, my nurturers, my challengers, and the people whom I sacredly love.
• I am continuously surprised how much I love Buddy. Saturday morning, I woke to my dad and Buddy walking down the hall, very sleepy. (And Tahn, OF COURSE). My brother and S2 had a holiday party on Friday night, so Buddy slept at my dad’s. He woke around 6am, and my dad brought him to me. Buddy was pretty confused why his Aunt Brittany was there and why he it was still dark, but he adjusted. I gave Buddy his bottle and then he was ready to go back to sleep. (Yes, you read that right. Buddy wakes up, eats, and goes back to sleep. He is my kind of child. Clearly, we are made of the same stuff). My dad thought it would nice if Buddy snuggled down with me and went back to sleep. After a short amount of time, Buddy finally settled in and fell fast asleep. (Details? Buddy was snuggled in as little spoon with his tiny baby feet squished in my legs. It was heaven on earth). In the past I’ve snuggled and slept next to other children; I was a nanny for 12 years – but snuggling with Buddy? The best sleep I’ve ever had. We awoke a little over two hours later, feeling great.
• Tahn is officially the best dog I have ever met. Yep, I said it. After being away from her for so long, meeting a bunch of other dogs, I can say that Tahn is amazing. She is kind, loving, obedient and fun. And? Next to Buddy, she’s the BEST SNUGGLER IN THE WORLD.

Snuggle Bun. 12am Saturday morning.

• Although I had some adjustments in my new life in San Diego, I really love it here. I can’t get over how beautiful it is here. Even today when it was raining and pouring, it was gorgeous. I love that I live 15 minutes from my sister and I get to see her at least once a week; I haven’t seen her this much for over 10 years. It’s really fantastic.
• The most important quality I look for in others is kindness. It all started a little about fours years ago when I walked into a dear friend’s home and on her entry way table she had a small sign, “Approach everything with kindness.” It was then I knew the man I walked through that very door with was not kind. It started off when I first realized on our second date that he was not kind to strangers,  three months in I realized he was not always kind in stressful situations, a year and three months I realized he was  not kind to Tahnee and ultimately, two years and one month into the relationship I realized he was not kind to me. I have since realized there are only two type of people in the world; those who make an effort to respond to others and in kindness and those who do not. I believe that many, many people are unkind. I’ve seen it for years. At work, in relationships I’ve been in and been witness to, in interactions with others. But, I’ve also met many people who are groundbreakingly kind. These people may not always be the best version of themselves, but they are authentic, real and intentionally kind. I strive to be this person everyday.
• I know one thing for sure: my instincts about a person, situation, or group of people have never been wrong. I can spot a bad apple from a mile away. Often I feel neutral about a person/situation/group of people. But when I have an incredibly bad feeling? I just know. After years of trying to ignore my intuition, I am finally embracing it and learning to appreciate it.

20, 30 and 40 year old men

About six months ago, I realized something about men. Something about men I have never thought about. Something about men that is fascinating… I believe I’ve learned:

The different dating stages of men.

Sure, I casually thought about how a man’s perception of dating, women, relationships, children and marriage may change over time; usually I thought about it when I meet a man so ready to settle down and get married – or the opposite – a man who ran screaming down the street if the word “girlfriend” was used.

A few months ago, I started branching out of my “appropriate age for dating” range, and started looking at different men. I didn’t look at these men to date or have a relationship with; instead I’ve spent time with them, talking and learning about their prescriptive on women and life goals.

This very scientific* study is complete, accurate, and free of any stereotypes or judgments.

Obviously.**

20-year-old men

(A man whose age ranges from 20-25ish)

Ah. The young twenty-something guy. Overwhelmingly upbeat. Surprisingly kind. He’s the guy that says super optimistic, dreamlike things, “One day, I’ll have lots of kids. You know, when I’m much, much older. Like 28.”

He’s the guy that has dated a bit, mostly in college and maybe even had a girlfriend or two. Chances are, the relationships he’s had with women weren’t super serious and were in high school. Since he’s started (or just finished) college, he’s not interested in finding anything serious, and wants to have a whole lot of fun. (After all, serious relationships are reserved for waaay later. Like in 5 years).

He’s much more approachable, yet not very confident. He tends to run out of things to talk to women about and ends up talking about his favorite Star Wars movie, his comic book collection, or how he just learned how to do laundry. You know, stuff women love to talk about.

He wants to get married. Chances are, he hasn’t had his heart seriously broken. He hasn’t be trampled on by any woman and still likes the idea of a relationship. He’s just getting his feet wet.

He parties. He parties hard. He can party super hard and bounce out of bed in the morning and do it all over again. He doesn’t need coffee, but he drinks it because everyone does at college. Or work. Or wherever.

He’s much more comfortable around his guy friends but loves to be around girls. He’s adorable and I love him. He’s um…. well, slightly too young. Okay, he’s way too young. Too young for anything I’m interested in. Or any woman in their late twenties. (Unless of course, she’s a cougar in the making).

He looks great. He goes to the gym everyday, runs miles and miles and is in the best shape of his life. He can eat whatever the hell he wants with no consequence.

30-year-old men

(A man whose age ranges from 26ish-34ish)

Oh. The 30-year-old. Hmm. Well, let’s just say this is the age range I know best. Until recently, this is the age range I lived in. This is the age range I wouldn’t dare venture from.

The 30-year-old guy has had a serious girlfriend. (Hopefully.) Maybe he’s lived with a woman (or two) and gets it. (Please, God). He generally knows things about women. He pretty much knows how women work and what totally pisses them off. So, he’s a in a good “dating” stage because he doesn’t do the annoying things 20-year-old men usually do because he’s been there, done that, he has a few T-Shirts. He listens to you when you talk. He doesn’t bore his dates with dumb stories about getting drunk. Or boring stories about bugs. (Or, he usually doesn’t).  (Yes, I’ve heard many stories about bugs and people being drunk. Weird, huh?)

He’s jaded. He’s been stomped on by a woman or two and is not so happy about it. He’s distrusting.

He wants to get married and have kids, but not now. He’s focusing on his career/education/life right now and isn’t quite ready to settle down.

He still loves women – at least all the good things about them – but is kinda over it. Sure, he’ll be happy to have a girlfriend for all the benefits – a date for Saturday night, someone to share meals with and do other things couples do. It works for him.

But to marry that girlfriend? To settle down and start having kids? Whoa, whoa, WHOA. He’s skeptical. Sure, he wants kids. Yeah, he likes, okay loves his girlfriend. But, he really likes the money he’s now making and enjoying his freedom to ski, snowboard, bike, hike, travel, sky dive – YOU NAME IT. He loves “his” time and is looking forward to having a house of his own soon to have a garage and a man cave. He LOVES the idea of a man cave.

His friends come first. Heck, they’ve been there for him when that chick (or chicks) dumped him or treated him like dirt. They’re loyal. They’re his boys.

He still looks good. He must go to the gym everyday to look so good. He works out a bit harder to get the same results. He’s starting to show signs of aging; the recessed hairline, maybe a few gray hairs.

40-year-old men

(A man whose age ranges from 35ish-40ish)
The 40-year-old man was a mystery to me for a long time. Okay, the idea of it totally creeped me out. But, after spending time with a few 35-year-olds and 36-year-olds, and okay, a 37-year-old, I realized a few things about this elusive age range.

The 40-year-old man has been around the block. Many times. He’s had a long term, serious relationship. He may even be divorced. Might have a kid. Or two. Or three.

Despite his heartache with women, despite the divorce, the child custody bullshit, or the messy 7-year relationship with his live-in girlfriend ending, he’s game. He still wants a relationship. He still wants someone to come home to at night, share his day with, and possibly have children with. He wants someone to share his life with.

He loves his friends, but having a woman in his life is way more important.

He may be balding. He looks um… aged slightly. He has wrinkles around his eyes and most likely is going gray. He doesn’t have the body or strength he used to.
______

But, in reality, a man may not go through these stages at all. I’ve known men who are 21 that skip the 20-year-old phase and go right to the 40-year-old phase. I’ve also met men in their late 40’s who act like a 20-year-old. Graying, balding, freaking Peter Pans.

Fine. I’ve also met 30 something’s who are kind, responsible, good guys looking for a relationship. They aren’t all bad. Just some.***

It’s all a freaking crap-shoot, really.
______

*Scientific meaning not actually scientific at all.

**Or totally 100% biased.

***By ‘some’ I mean most.