Monthly Archives: January 2013

white trucks, cleaning out closets, and consequences to everything

White pick-up trucks have a visceral affect on me.

White, Ford Ranger, pick-up trucks, specifically.

Previously, the affect was joy-filling excitement.

Currently, the affect is gut-wrenching painful.

The white truck knocks that box of sorrow off the shelf I so neatly tucked away a few weeks ago and throws its wide open, spilling it’s contents everywhere.

I stand there looking at the contents of the box, saying, “You again? Really!?”

But that’s the way it goes I guess. That’s the thing about things. Sometimes when you think you’re over something, (or maybe desperately trying to be over it) certain triggers pull you right back and make you dealwithitnow.

Consequently, this is what I will do.

______

This past weekend, Tahn and I traveled home to the Bay Area to see Buddy and my newest love, Lily (my brand new niece. And no, Lily’s not her real name).

On this trip home, I decided to clean out the closet of the my previous bedroom at my Dad’s house. The closet that hadn’t been touched close to the 10 years since I lived there.

Hello dust.

Hello old memories.

Hello junk.

Hello whydidIeverkeepthis?

It was overall good, cathartic and slightly odd. I threw away/gave away/ recycled most of everything save a few boxes of photos and cards from my grandma. And of course, a Justin Timberlake doll.

Old habits.

______

During our stay home, Tahn happily found herself at her grandpa’s. Like old times, he had her water bowl and bed out for her to feel right at home.

Over the weekend, my dad would occasionally leave Tahn alone.

Yesterday, after I returned home, my dad called to tell me a story.

My dad is in the process of putting new doors on his kitchen cabinets. Therefor, his cabinets and all such contents are exposed and open.

On Tuesday, he found a Brillo pad (which is usually kept under the kitchen sink) in the cabinet under the stove.

When he told me this story, he indicated this was a sign of protest by Tahn; she did not appreciate being left alone.

My response?

There are always consequences for your behavior.

😉

______

What are your current triggers? (Positive or Negative)

Do you have any plans for Spring Cleaning?

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Filed under Blogging, Crazy Dog Lady, Life, Stories, Tahnee, Travel, Vacation

Non-Judging in the New Year

be curious not judgmental

2012 brought big changes both physically and professionally for me. As the new year began, I knew two things for sure:

  1. I needed to change the way I took care of my body
  2. I needed to change the place of my employment

To make a very long and boring story short, I quickly realized in January of 2012 (and started to panic in the beginning of February 2012) that the job I moved to San Diego for was not a place I could continue to work.

I made the big, scary decision to leave that job and move on to a completely different job, working for a huge company, and learning a new business.

The transition was easy enough; except for a few hiccups here and there I was relatively pleased.

I spent most of the summer working and trying to enjoy San Diego. However, in this whirlwind of work and play, I soon found myself in a situation in which my personal and professional lives collided.

In fact, it was more like a crash.

As I scurried around trying to pick up the pieces, heal my spirit and move on, I kept being pulled back into the pain, sorrow and heartache of it all.

I  judged myself for making the poor choices that led to this crash.

Over the course of four months, I spent most of my days off in excruciating emotional pain. During my time alone, I would replay the decisions, actions and fallacies I made; judging myself more and more each week. In the quiet of these days, I found myself drowning of the sadness of the situation. I could not go back and change anything.

In addition to my own self-deprecation, I allowed the judgements of others to redefine how I saw myself.

During this painful realization, I had an even more painful self-discovery:

I judge others just as much as I judge myself.

Ironically, the pain of my personal and professional lives meeting was created entirely on others perceptions of me. The two colliding didn’t negatively affect my job (or future career) itself. It did effect the opinions my colleagues and staff had of me.

My pain was solely from the thoughts of others and myself.

This got me thinking, what is the point of all of this? Were the judgements of my colleagues (and most importantly, myself) true? No. Not at all.

What was the point of all the judgment?

I took  a step back from my larger-then-life pity party and started observing all of my daily thoughts, primarily mean and judgmental thoughts of others.

It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t pretty to see myself jump to mean thoughts when someone did or said something I didn’t like. I found myself realizing I couldn’t be upset with those who thought bad thoughts of me; I did it all the time.

As 2012 ended and 2013 began, I found myself thinking a lot about changing my negative knee-jerk reactions to thoughts of compassion, acceptance, and grace. To stop the thoughts by no longer giving them power.

So, in 2013, in addition to continuing to take care of my body, I will start to take care of my thoughts. Thoughts about others, and most importantly, thoughts about myself.

(This post was inspired by Amber’s post at http://pandaamber.com/)

Image source: We Heart It

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Filed under Blogging, Exercise, Life, Things I've learned

Operation Love Handle – An Update

Just under 15 months ago, I wrote a blog post, “Operation Love Handle“, in which I discussed my Love Handles and how they represented all of the struggle and unhappiness I had been dealing with for the previous 3 years. I discussed changes I was going to make, (including eating only until I was full, and finding new activities) and I discussed how I wasn’t going to focus on losing weight, I was going to focus on being more active, more fit, and more happy.

Well, guys, I’m happy to say, I did it. Not only did I lose weight, but I am much more happy, fit and active.

From January 2012 to January 2013, I’ve lost 25lbs.

January 2, 2012

January 2, 2012

January 9, 2013

January 9, 2013

My goal really was just to lose the 15lbs I had gained over the years. I didn’t think that all of the changes I made in my life would lead to such a large weight loss. But, I’m sure happy it did!

If you compare the two photos, taken close to one year apart, you will notice a few things. Besides a cute new hair cut and new cell phone case (and new bathroom; I’ve moved), you will also notice that I am toned. I didn’t just lose weight. I became strong. I developed arm and core muscles. It’s the first time in my life I’ve had arm and core strength.

What I did:

  1. I changed my diet. Permanently.
  2. I started a new workout I love and did it a minimum of 3 days a week (but usually 5) for 6 months straight.
  3. I started a new job where I walked 7-12 miles a day. (And, if you ask anyone I work with, they would tell you I walk quickly).

And that’s it. I started moving more and sitting less.

I didn’t notice any results for months. After all, I gave up eating meat and officially started my diet in October 2011, but didn’t start seeing changes until I ate well and exercised. I started The Bar Method at the end of January 2012 and it wasn’t until the end of March 2012 that I started seeing a small result.

Then, I started a new job (and all the walking) in April 2012, and by August 2012, I really started seeing the weight shed off.

It has been a journey, to say the least. I was challenged by my new workout, new schedule, and lack of free time that came with my new life. It wasn’t easy; it wasn’t easy working out for close to two months with very little results. But, I knew my body and I knew I had to be patient, keep working, and I would see results. And once I did, it was very exciting!

My brother taught me in high school that success breeds success. I found this to be very true this past year. Once I started to feel successful and stronger during my workouts, it lead to me feeling accomplished and more confident. My confidence gave me the courage to step out of my comfort box and make friends, try new activities, and allow myself to enjoy my life more. I then started losing weight, and I felt even more confident about myself and my professional goals.

Don’t be disillusioned, though. 2012 was not an easy year for me. In some ways, it was the most challenging year I’ve ever had professionally and personally. But, through my highs and (sometimes) low lows, I stuck to my diet and exercise; they were my anchors when the world around me was chaos. For the first time in my life I found comfort and solace in exercising. I used to be that girl that would roll her eyes when people would gloat about how important exercise and eating right is for their well-being.

Now?

I’ve an avid believer.

This year, I have two life changes I am making. (I’ll discuss it in a future post).

Until then? I’m enjoying my new body, my gained confidence, and my renewed belief in myself.

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Filed under Blogging, Exercise, Life