Monthly Archives: March 2013

Things I like this week (vol 14).

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(Image via Rosie Molinary)

  1. This NY Times article has been posted many times, but is worth posting again. I’ll try anything where relaxation = more productivity
  2. I love baking soda as a cleaner. I use it all over my apartment. It’s safe, non toxic and cheap!
  3. This other NY Times article was written by a 17-year-old. (I wish I wrote like that when I was 17. Okay fine. I wish I write like that now!)
  4. Tips to bring relaxation into your life from Teacher Goes Back to School. (Again, the more relaxation, the better!)
  5. I’m all about changing the way I talk to myself. So, it feel like Nicole’s Change Your Story, Change Your Life was written just for me. (It was, wasn’t it?)

Happy Monday ūüôā

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Filed under Blogging, Fun Things, My Apartment, Things I like

Self Shaming

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I know this may come as a shock to you, but I did not eradicate judgment from my life after I wrote my Non-Judging post.

I know.

In fact, after I decided to stopallthejudging, I found myself slightly more judgmental. Especially judgmental towards myself.

Confession: Not only do I judge myself, I shame myself.

I shame myself for not making good choices.

I shame myself for not walking Tahnee everyday.

I shame myself that Tahnee has gained weight in the last year (from not walking as much). DOUBLE SHAME.

I shame myself for spending too much money going out with friends.

I shame myself for being tired after a night of fun (going out with friends and spending money). DOUBLE SHAME.

I shame myself for not calling my grandma enough. (Sorry, Grandma).

I shame myself for making mistakes at work- even though I know better. DOUBLE SHAME.

I shame myself that there is always dog hair on my floor.

I shame myself that my room is never clean.

I shame myself for not flossing everyday.

I shame myself for eating out when I’m tired, stressed or anxious. DOUBLE SHAME.

I shame myself that I have made poor choices in the past which have led me to unpleasant things today. (i.e. previously spending beyond my means; I am now paying off debt).

This shaming slowly leads to self hatred. Not necessarily hatred of myself, but hatred of particular qualities, tendencies, or attributes I have or may not have.

Over the past few weeks, I have been a part of a “Mindfulness and Mediation” class. During this past week’s topic, “Easing Up On Yourself,” we dealt a lot about self shame. I can relate. The instructor said something that I found to be very powerful (especially for a seasoned Self Shamer), “Do not change [yourself] out of self hatred. Change [yourself] out of love.”

This statement resonated with me.

One of the largest changes in my life recently was my recent weight loss (and muscle gain). When I think back to my first post, Operation Love Handle, I think about why I decided to take that journey…

I started Operation Love Handle for three reasons:

  1. Change my life (be healthy to live a long, healthy life)
  2. Change my mind (still working on that…)
  3. Change my body (shed the weight I gained when I was unhappy; build muscle and become strong)

These reasons were not because I hated the way my body looked. The only thing I really didn’t like was that my arms were not toned. And the only reason it bothered me was because I couldn’t do a push-up.

I started Operation Love Handle out of love for myself rather than hatred. So this is what I am thinking: I need to de-shame my shaming thoughts. In the areas of my life I’d like to improve, I have to start loving the way they are before I can change them.

Instead of:

“I shame myself for making a mistake at work – even though I knew better. DOUBLE SHAME.”

How about:

I love my job and I work really hard everyday. I put my best foot forward although I am not always successful. I will have good days and bad days, but the bad days will help me become better at my job.

Or another,

Instead of:

“I shame myself for being tired after a night of fun (of going out with friends and spending money). DOUBLE SHAME.”

How about:

I am really, really, really grateful I have friends. I’m feeling stressed about money, so I will invite them over more to cut costs.

Some shames are much easier than others to re-frame. I honestly can’t re-frame all the shames from my list, but I promise to work on it. I’m hoping to see an improvement in my Self Shaming tendencies. I have a feeling it won’t happen overnight. ūüôā

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Will you join me? What do you shame yourself for?

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Filed under Life, Self, Things I've learned