Monthly Archives: April 2013

Thursday Thoughts: Ditch the Haters

Until recently, I’ve tolerated meanness. Unkind people. People who put others down.

More often than I’d like to admit, I’ve had people in my life that always seem to put me down.

The thing about these people? These haters? I’ve realized they do the same things over and over again. I’ve learned the warning signs. Red flags. Bad behaviors that haters tend to do, actions that are easy to minimize or excuse.

  • Haters consistently speak badly about others. They consistently judge, belittle, and put others down. They celebrate pain of people they do not like. A hard lesson that’s taken me years to learn: if they talk badly about others and revel in other’s pain, they’re doing it to you too. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will eventually talk badly about you. Guaranteed.

  • Haters tend to have little respect for your feelings, but demand respect for their feelings. If the hater is upset or having a problem, they expect you to give them your attention and sympathy. Only occasionally will they have time or interest in yours problems.

  • Haters often look for what others can do for them. If they’re needs aren’t met, they will punish you (with words, actions, etc) for not doing what they want. It’s not a good place to be. I always struggle with this because I feel like I am a bad person for not doing what they want. Here’s the thing about that: people who love you don’t make you feel bad for not doing what they want. They accept and love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

  • Haters have a bad temper. Haters often blame their temper on alcohol, or those around them, and they snap quickly and take out their anger on everyone around them.

  • When you call Haters out for their behavior, they label you “sensitive”. When anyone calls you “sensitive” for expressing your feelings, it is a cowardly way for them to blame others for their bad behavior.

Previously, I was willing to forgive meanness and quick to minimize bad behaviors. I want to see the best in others, and I look for the good and to forget the bad.

But, here’s the thing: whenever I’ve been mistreated by a person and allowed them to stay in my life? They do it again. They mistreat me again. Always. I’ve made this mistake so many times it’s embarrassing. It’s the definition of insanity; doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results.

I’m not doing the same thing anymore.

I’m following Nicole Antoinette’s advice to Change Your Story, Change Your Life. My Story was I saw the good in others often at the expense of myself.

change-story

A couple of Fridays ago, my friends and I were out and met a guy. This guy? Super cute. Tall. Successful. Friendly. Interesting. Blonde. (Side note: Blonde guys are totally my type, but I’ve yet to had a good experience dating one). All the things I’m looking for. Twenty minutes after we met, he insulted his friend’s girlfriend. The insult was out of nowhere, and really uncalled for. Unsurprisingly, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but proceeded with caution. A few hours and many drinks later he was insulting others again – this time he was insulting my friends.

In the context of the conversation, you could spin his insults as jokes, but in reality, he was unkind. Having difficulty letting go of my old ways, I gave him my number.

The next day when he texted and asked for a date, I decided to Change My Story, Change My Life: I told him no and I told him why.

Crazily enough, it was a great conversation. I told him I enjoyed meeting him, but I didn’t like the way he treated my friends.

He apologized and said he really didn’t mean his insults. He said that he is a really nice guy, but he “has an edge”.

And here’s the kicker, guys. Normally, I would forgive, move on, and cross my fingers it would never happen again.

But it’s time to Change My Story, Change My Life.

I don’t need anyone – man or woman – with “an edge” in my life.

How does this story end? I’ll never see him again.

I can’t help think about what Maya Angelou has famously said,

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

You know what? I believed him. The first time.

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Filed under Dating, Self, Stories, Things I've learned

Things I like this week (vol 15).

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It’s been a rough week. Not only did our country experience some hefty tragedies, we remembered heartaches from the past. (Oklahoma City Bombing {18 years}, and Columbine {14 years}).

How about we focus on the good? On to things I like:

  1. Maskcara blog: I’ve never been into beauty blogs before, but I just discovered this blog and I love it! Cara’s the inspiration for my pretty iPhone apps. So Fancy! I can’t wait to try her 4 minute makeup.
  2. How not to say the wrong thing. (This has been all over the internet, and it’s a GREAT theory. I first learned of it from SP&A).
  3. BB Cream vs. Tinted Moisturizer: I recently started using BB cream and I have to say, I LOVE IT. I use Garnier Skin Renewal in Fair.
  4. Dove’s Real Beauty Sketches: If you haven’t watched this, it’s worth 3 minutes.
  5. Neon Heels.
  6. My friends! I’ve been a hot mess home sick with a cold/sinus infection and my friends have been there with medicine, food, and calls of support. LOVE THEM. (It wasn’t as bad as Strep 2011 was. New city, new friends, same support. How lucky can a girl be?)
  7. Tiny Houses. Obsessed. Question: where can I build one?

Happy Monday!

xxoo

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Filed under Beauty, Blogging, Friends, Things I like

What I Eat

Roasted Broccoli. A favorite of mine.

Roasted Broccoli. A favorite of mine.

Since Operation Love Handle, I’ve been continuously asked: What do you eat?

That’s a great question. What do I eat?

Not meat, for starters. And, fish only when I eat out.

I’ve limited my dairy, too.

I know what you’re thinking: What’s left?

I know that’s what you’re thinking because I previously thought too. When you grow up on the Standard American Diet, you are use to meat being the star of the show. Meat is what dinner is cooked around. Heck, meat dictates your wine choice.

Two years ago I started reading vegetarian and vegan blogs and thought the women who wrote them were slightly extreme and little delusional. Although their food looked good, I didn’t believe it tasted good. However, I saw one commonality in these women: (besides having food blogs) they looked great. Sure, they exercised, but they glowed in their pictures. I couldn’t help to think their diet may have had something to do with it.

After a year of my new diet and exercising, I believe it’s true. I believe their diet (and mine) helps you to feel and look great.

I love what I eat. I don’t have cheat days or “bad foods”; I eat second and third helpings and have dessert twice a day. I am always full and feel energized and nourished.

My diet may look boring, but like any change, it just took some time to get used to. I started by changing my breakfast, then my dinner, then my lunches. It was slow and I waited to make another change when I was ready. I still have junk food from time to time but usually have a stomach ache or other poor physical reaction after eating junk that deters the next purchase of a bag of Oreos. (But not always. I bought Oreos last week). 🙂

So, all this talk about food. What do I eat?

Previous Diet:

Breakfast: Usually cereal. I enjoyed Special K with Berries, or Oatmeal Squares. I’d eat an entire bowl and be famished in an hour.

Snack: Always crackers. Always. Wheat Thins, or Pita crackers (from Trader Joe’s) usually with hummus or just plain. I’d eat about a 1/2 cup and be hungry again before lunch.

Lunch: A turkey/ham/salami sandwich, maybe some fruit, a cookie/dessert. Probably more crackers. Or, leftovers from a previous dinner. My lunch would hold me for a few hours.

Snack: Sometimes fruit. Usually crackers.

Dinner: Enchiladas, Pasta, Tacos, Mac & Cheese, Hamburgers, Tuna Melts, and Quesadillas.

Dessert: Cookies, Brownies, Cakes, Pies, or Ice Cream

Beverages: Wine, Beer, Gin & Tonics, Margaritas, Coffee, Water, Lemonade, Iced Tea, Mochas, and Frappacinos.

Current Diet:

Breakfast: Overnight Oatmeal (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Did I say how much I love this?) or 2 slices of Sprouted Multi Grain toast with natural peanut butter (now I make this at home!) and a drizzle of honey. I usually make one cup of Oatmeal. I know. One Cup Of Oatmeal. It’s a lot of Oatmeal. But, if I give myself enough time in the morning and I eat the entire cup and I’m full for hours and I feel fabulous.  Toast normally by itself isn’t as much of a powerhouse, but my bread has 5 grams of protein + 5-7 grams of protein from the natural peanut butter.

Snack: Fruit and/or almonds. Sometimes Banana Bread or Muffins.

Lunch: Leftovers from the dinner or Beans, Greens, and Grains. Definitely not the most exciting lunch, but the most filling. I have been eating this for over a year for lunch (not everyday but many days a week) and I have tons of energy and feel great when I eat it. Sometimes I’ll have Mediterranean Salad Shakers.

Snack: Almost never needed. More almonds/ or fruit
Dinner: Maple Baked Lentils With Sweet Potato, Quick and Easy Tomato Mushroom Pasta, Portobello and Poblano Fajitas, Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Miso Sauce, Twenty Minute Four Bean Vegetarian Chilli, Vegetable Quinoa Salad with Miso Dressing, Macaroni & Peas, Balsamic Kale Salad with Apple and Pear, Tofu Dippers, Roasted Chickpea Tacos, Cranberry Orange Lentil Quinoa Loaf.

I’ll make one of the more complicated dinners one night a week, then usually just have Angela’s go to dinner or Emily’s.

I still regularly eat my go-to easy convenience meals – all of which lack nutrition – Nachos, Quesadillas, or Annie’s Mac & Cheese. I have revised how I eat these junk food dinners – I always pair them with a large helping of roasted vegetables, and make the Nachos and Quesadillas loaded with black beans and little cheese.

Dessert: Cookies, Brownies, Cakes, Pies. Not much has changed here. Sometimes I’ll try a vegan recipe, but usually stick to my old favorites.

Beverages: Wine, Beer, Gin & Tonics, Margaritas, Mineral Water, Water, Jasmine Green Tea, Herbal Tea, Iced Tea and occasionally coffee.

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I love my current diet. I am by no means a expert, but my diet works for me.  I love the way I look, but most importantly, the way I feel. I’ve never been this healthy, either. I’ve been careful to get the nutrients meat provides and maintaining a balanced diet. I’ve worked with my physician to ensure I am getting everything I need in my diet. It’s a diet I never thought I would have, but I now can’t imagine eating any other way.

What are some of your favorite (non-meat) health foods?

**Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist and have no medical training. I am sharing what has worked for me. Please consult a medical professional before making any changes to your diet. **

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