white trucks, cleaning out closets, and consequences to everything

White pick-up trucks have a visceral affect on me.

White, Ford Ranger, pick-up trucks, specifically.

Previously, the affect was joy-filling excitement.

Currently, the affect is gut-wrenching painful.

The white truck knocks that box of sorrow off the shelf I so neatly tucked away a few weeks ago and throws its wide open, spilling it’s contents everywhere.

I stand there looking at the contents of the box, saying, “You again? Really!?”

But that’s the way it goes I guess. That’s the thing about things. Sometimes when you think you’re over something, (or maybe desperately trying to be over it) certain triggers pull you right back and make you dealwithitnow.

Consequently, this is what I will do.

______

This past weekend, Tahn and I traveled home to the Bay Area to see Buddy and my newest love, Lily (my brand new niece. And no, Lily’s not her real name).

On this trip home, I decided to clean out the closet of the my previous bedroom at my Dad’s house. The closet that hadn’t been touched close to the 10 years since I lived there.

Hello dust.

Hello old memories.

Hello junk.

Hello whydidIeverkeepthis?

It was overall good, cathartic and slightly odd. I threw away/gave away/ recycled most of everything save a few boxes of photos and cards from my grandma. And of course, a Justin Timberlake doll.

Old habits.

______

During our stay home, Tahn happily found herself at her grandpa’s. Like old times, he had her water bowl and bed out for her to feel right at home.

Over the weekend, my dad would occasionally leave Tahn alone.

Yesterday, after I returned home, my dad called to tell me a story.

My dad is in the process of putting new doors on his kitchen cabinets. Therefor, his cabinets and all such contents are exposed and open.

On Tuesday, he found a Brillo pad (which is usually kept under the kitchen sink) in the cabinet under the stove.

When he told me this story, he indicated this was a sign of protest by Tahn; she did not appreciate being left alone.

My response?

There are always consequences for your behavior.

😉

______

What are your current triggers? (Positive or Negative)

Do you have any plans for Spring Cleaning?

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The space beside me

For 18 weeks, the space beside me was mostly vacant.

I had an occasional passenger in my car; a friend, a family member, a coworker.

I had friends I shared meals, movies, wine and conversations with.

I had company, but not my dearest friend.

After 18 weeks, Tahn finally came to live with me in San Diego. The weekend after I moved into my new (and permanent!!) place, I drove to the Bay Area and back in the span of 40 hours. It was exhausting, emotional, and worth every second.

Tahnee, minutes after we started our journey to San Diego, stopping for gas. Very anxious.

Starting to relax, hoping she's really staying with me this time. Anxiety diminishing.

Finally able to fully relax and rest. Anxiety almost gone.

Stopping at my favorite gas station with my Tahn. Anxiety free and loving life.

At our new home, with her new roommie and best friend, Maya.

The space next to me is now filled with two rambunctious, happy, playful dogs. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.

________________________________________________________________________

Many, many, many thanks to my dad for taking care of Tahn for the 18 weeks. He fed her, WALKED her (walked her more than she has ever been walked in her life) and gave her tons of love. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what I would have done. He’s the best.

Retro photo of my dad and Tahn. Circa 2008 (Isn't she a small little girl?!?!)

Letters from Tahn, part V

I know some of you come to my blog to solely read about Tahn. Sorry there has been so little about her!

But, since she’s not with me in San Diego I’ve gotten a few Letters from her.

Enjoy.

_______

(These letters were written on 10.20.11)

First, from my dad:

I couldn’t tell you this until now, because I didn’t want you to worry, but Tahn has been in Egypt looking for Gadhafi.

She found him and killed* him this morning, so she’ll be flying home this afternoon.

________

Then, from Tahn:

Dear Mum,

Well, I’m back from Egypt.  Everything went OK.  The news says Libya, but we know they always get it wrong. However, there are problems here.  G-pa put on his shoes and socks, which means we’re going for a walk.  Instead he went to have “coffee with Mick”. I’m going to kill him when he gets home, so you will be an orphan.  Sorry, but it has to be done.

Love, Tahn

_______

Although I miss Tahn like crazy, I know her Grandpa is taking great care of her.

She's a happy girl. She LOVES her Grandpa

*Tahn thinks she’s SUPER tough. She thinks she’s a fierce hunter. We always joke about her “hunting” and “killing” things. The reality is that Tahn is a lover and not a fighter and probably couldn’t ever fight to save her life. Well, maybe to save mine. 🙂

Things I like this week

Today was the best Monday I’ve had in weeks. Maybe even in months. I think it was a great Monday for a multitude of reasons, but here are a few:

• I started my day getting up super early and taking Tahn for a long work
• My mom visited me all day yesterday and we had a great day: watch the Woman’s World Cup Final at a sports bar, had a relaxing afternoon eating yummy food and drinking wine at L Wine Lounge (thanks to Amy for the great recommendation!), took a cat nap, walked Tahn to the dog park, then finished the evening with ice tea outside
• My dad visited me today and brought me two pieces of furniture I have needed desperately in my apartment: a bookshelf and a butcher block on wheels.  We walked Tahn down to a local bar and had happy hour
• I found this blog post and this blog post – two new mantras of my life

I hope you’re having a great Monday, too.

Celebrations

This week is a significant week in my family.

My sister-in-law (S2- because she is my second sister) has studied for months and months for an oral exam she had today; she studied through her normal school and work, through the birth of Buddy, through everything. S2 has completely dedicated herself to this exam – giving every free moment to studying. She has said “no” to many fun activities – a sacrifice to learn. And I am so proud of her. On top of this, S2 has continued to be a stellar wife and a spectacular mother. I am in awe of her discipline and perseverance. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have a sister like S2.

Tomorrow is my sister Sarah’s 28th birthday. Sarah is my older sister of 20 months. I have never known life without her. Sarah has taught me so much. She helped turn a shy, soft-spoken child into a confident, talkative adult. Sarah’s passion for life and unbelievable energy has always inspired me. Sarah has been one of the most influential people in my life. Sarah is my soul mate. I know Sarah unlike anyone else in the world. We have a connection I cannot describe; it is profound, kept in our hearts. Sarah knew what she wanted in life. She went full speed ahead and worked like a dog (holding 4 jobs while going to school) to have her dream – being on the radio. She is unexpected, entertaining, and incredibly smart. When people tell me I look like her, I have always taken it as the best compliment because she is beautiful. Sarah will drop everything in her crazy, jam-packed life to talk to me. When we talk, she gives me her full attention, devotion and love.

Sarah and me. (Thanks, Jay! http://www.7aphoto.com/)

And tomorrow, my dad is retiring after almost 26 years of service to the United States of America. My dad has given American citizens a gift I don’t even understand. He has sacrificed a large part of him to protect American citizens. He is the best you can find in his job, hands down. He has gone on countless secret missions to protect the US. These missions will never be publicized, they will never be on the news, and he will never meet the President and get the honor he deserved. His three children and one grandchild will never know the extent of his work. We will never truly understand all that he did for us. He will retire and go on with his new life, without civilians really knowing what he did for us. On top of his unbelievable service to the US, he has been the most incredible father I could have ever asked for. He has put my brother, sisters (S2 and Sarah) and me above his own thoughts, wants and needs. He loves us without condition or expectation. He gives and gives and does not ask for anything in return. He is a remarkable man and I cannot believe how blessed I am to have him as my father.

To you, S2, Sarah, Dad – I celebrate you.

(photo)

Bad Dog at the Lake

Tahnee, being a Black Labrador, loves to swim. Last summer we spent many days at the river while she swam with some of her dog friends.  She would play fetch with a stick and could not get enough of swimming in the cool river.

Summer 2010, Tahn swimming in the river

I’ve been looking forward to take Tahn to the river all spring. Since it’s been a cold spring and now a super hot summer, it wasn’t until the last few weeks that it was actually warm enough to take her to the river. Unfortunately, the river is currently closed for swimming because the water is too high and fast. So, I decided to take her to the lake.

My dad drove to Sacramento to partake in said outing. He’s seen pictures and videos of Tahnee swimming, but never in real life. We were pretty excited. Watching Tahn swim is one of my favorite things to do. (Because she’s so dang cute!)

We drove about 40 minutes to the lake and paid the $10 fee to park. (Yes, $10 people). We got to the beach, and saw a huge sign No Dogs on the Beach. Well crap. What were we going to do? I decided to ask the men selling food if there was a place for dogs on the beach. (Everyone told me they took their dogs to the lake, I couldn’t believe we paid $10 and were going to turn around a go home…)

Fortunately, they instructed me to take my dog down the beach a ways where dogs were allowed. When we got to the “dog area” there were many dogs there and I could just hear Tahnee saying, “Doooogggg Paaaarrrrk!”

We let Tahn off her leash and she started to mill around in the water. A few other Labrador mixes joined her. It was nice. Then, the following happened. The best way to tell this story is to tell it with the time, so here it goes:

• 12:30pm – Arrive at lake.
• 12:35pm – Find No Dogs on the Beach sign.
• 12:40pm – Arrive at the “dog area”.
• 12:41pm – Let Tahn off the leash.
• 12:42pm – I call Tahn to come back to the area we were at, away from the fisherman.
• 12:42:30pm – I walk over to Tahn, and drag her back.
• 12:43pm – Tahn goes over to another group of people, starts pestering them. My dad calls her.
• 12:43:15pm – My dad gets Tahn and drags her back.
• 12:44pm – Tahn starts playing in the water. She’s chasing the other dog, even goes after two sticks.
• 12:46pm – Tahn goes nearby a group of people without a dog. My dad calls her.
• 12:46:05pm – My dad drags her back.
• 12:47pm – Tahn goes in the water again.
• 12:47:50pm – Tahn gets excited, starts running around the beach, and right over the towels of the people with no dogs. (My dad and I are yelling at her a lot by now). (And quick side note: why would you go to the dog area with out a dog? And, get mad at us for having a dog?!)
• 12:48pm – My dad captures Tahn.
• 12:49pm – I put Tahn’s leash on her and we leave.

Oh yes, that’s right. We weren’t even on the beach for 10 minutes before we had to leave because our dog was misbehaving so badly. Tahn was by far the worst dog there. She didn’t come once when we called her. She acted like she couldn’t even hear us.

Now, it is not uncommon for Tahn to ignore not hear me.  From time to time, she flat out ignores me doesn’t hear me at all. But Tahn has never, ever once ignored my dad.

Her behavior was beyond embarrassing. We were pretty upset. Not only had my dad drove up an hour and a half to see this, but we drove an additional 40 minutes and paid $10 to have Tahn swim for one minute and disturb everyone on the dog beach.

Back at my apartment. Tahn was sorry for being a bad dog...

When we got back to Sacramento, I decided we should walk to a nearby dog-friendly bar and have a beer.

Tahn was a very good girl at the bar. (Do you see the sand on her nose?)

Then, my dad left and I gave Tahn a bath.

All clean after her bath

Next time, I’ll wait until the river is safe to swim and take Tahn to a secluded place where she cannot bother anyone. (Especially the idiots people sitting in the dog area getting mad at me because my dog ran across their towel. Sorry Lady, I couldn’t stop the bad dog).